I, owner of the undersigned email address, hereby accept the amount of one point eight (1.8) billion dollars as my prize in the "sign up for the Muskets! newsletter" competition, and all state and federal taxes pursuant thereto.

By entering my email address and joining said mailing list, I recognize that my face may very well be rocked off, and release Those Aren't Muskets! and their subsidiaries from all liability and obligation of payment.

"Those Aren't Muskets!" sure is an odd name for a comedy troupe, and its origin may surprise you. It's actually been around since the early 19th century, when it fought for the Union in the Civil War.

Nearly a century later, it would be selected as part of a Canadian government program to undergo radical experimental surgery. Metal was grafted to its bones and wicked sideburns to its face. Those Aren't Muskets! soon became despondent, upon finding out that its origin story is almost identical to that of popular Marvel superhero Wolverine.

Then it bummed around the country for a while, finally opening a bait and knick-knacks shop off of the I-15. Standing on the wooden planks of the store's porch and watching the shadows of the Sierra Nevadas grow long with sunset, Those Aren't Muskets! knew that while it may not have lived a life without regret, it had found peace, and that was all that mattered.

Then two guys burned the store down, contaminated all the bait, and stole its name for their shitty website.